Do you read this anymore?

Do you?

Wrong place... but more right than the alternative

And it can be deleted if you want, I wouldn't be hurt.

Anyway, in true "me" fashion I can't let anything go right away and I have to stew in my own disappointing feelings for a while.

I'm more afraid of what the alternative is to speaking up or out or louder. Am I really being too needy and demanding? I honestly need to know if my time needs are crowding your life. You missed your last curling day helping me move... you are dead tired after gigs and still manage to come over and hang out (even though there's some nights when I'm sure it's far too late)... we're only human and can only give so much of ourselves.

Keep it all in perspective too. You've known me somewhat intimately for three months, not the entire year. As much as I've known you for that long I have to keep stopping and telling myself that after three months I should never make stupid decisions emotionally that will just keep hurting after. Albeit better than a few years, or better than marrying someone you really weren't ready to or having babies or whatever... I move in too fast and really I'm not seeing any results other than crash n burn.

I just don't know where to put anything emotionally, it just sits in front of my face and bothers me. Its a combination of a lot of things. Much of the time the only thing I look forward to is seeing you. Sometimes it does feel like I didn't spend enough time with you between all of the things that we do.. .which aren't bad things at all, and who am I to say anything anyway... sigh.

Just getting a sniff of deja vous... i'm damned it I say anything and I'm damned if I leave it. So I said it.. I didn't even get to say goodbye to you, it was rushed and impersonal... not like it should all be the most luxurious goodbye all of the time... just I expected to be able to spend more time with you, even just get up and leave with you in the morning. I had nowhere to be tonight.. but then i know you don't need me around keeping you up and stealing your bed space either.

It's just so stupid, I just want to be comfortable and safe. I've been stuck at this in between at times stage for a few weeks now where I don't know if I fit enough to say anything to you but I feel too strongly to not fit somewhere. I'm scared.

Anyway just stupid blabbing and I want to just say things that aren't cool... like come hang out with me instead of doing something you like to do with your friends.. i'll be around, not much until my days off but it's not like you can't text me ...

I didn't want to say anything tonight... I'd rather just not say anything at all because i should be hurt enough to just not care about anyone anymore.. seriously I wish I could just not care about stupid things like scheduling. I don't want a scheduled relationship again. I just want there to be an "us", whoever wants to be part of "us" need apply and be well aware that "them" doesn't matter when it's "us". It's far too much to expect I'm sure.

So I am going to try and go to sleep at some point... maybe watch some simpsons because that's what I do most evenings now. I wish I had the energy and ability to do more with myself than that... but I got into the habit of it when I moved back, then I talked to you a lot, and now I'm kind of figuring out where to go from here.

Tweaked

Ohhh Dick... what can I possibly say. This is gonna be a lot of mush, perhaps the few drinks I've had are gonna start a talking. But this is our medium to pass on those messages we perhaps don't send between the lines and such... and talking about how to enhance sexual experiences of the present.

Anyway... the last few weeks have been absolutely amazing and beyond all expression. I can't use the words to say what kind of heights you've taken me to sexually. Jeeze whiz. Hahaha... I've never been this constantly aroused and awaiting the next height. I know there's many more to find with you.

I just wanted to blog specifically on how I used to view sex and how I now view sex:

BEFORE

Just call me princess. I just wanted to lay there and be taken to these heights, but it never really ever happened. I didn't communicate, it was all "really good sex." The shortest dick with no talent at cunnilingis probably still thinks he's the greatest lover there ever was on earth, I just wanted "it" at the same time as dreading "it". It usually hurt, by the end of a weekend I was glad it was over. I didn't want to assert myself in bed in fear of many things... being assertive meant that I had to take over and I didn't want to take over.

NOW

I want to literally pounce over that wall of shame and get past all of those feelings of waiting for it. I want to take you to those same heights and watch you seizure on the bed. I want to leave you in an absolute coma. Not to hurt you... to pleasure you. And I want to do it FOREVER.

So I needs some encouragement to keep being agressive enough to intiate and take the lead... sometimes I'm too far gone to even think about it and I revert back to old habits... just slap me (nicely, and preferably on the tush) to get back to biz-nass.

Anyway just my two cents...

To many more puddles this weekend.

What can I say about Jane...

... That hasn't already been said of Mata Hari. Let's just say that Jane this weekend took me from 95% to 145%.... and took it all in stride. I feel like bragging to the world. Just walk around town with her by my side and go to strangers ... "See her? Best damn oral on the planet!" or "This woman can fuck with the best of e'm!"

But I can't do that, so I'll brag here.

Actually, things could not be better between Jane and I. We've got a good thing going and I'm really enjoying myself, and I know she is too.

Infact, we're getting over our initial shyness in bed... I think it's a big reason why posts here have trailed a bit. But we shall persevere.


Anyways, things are going awesome. Just wanted to brag.

Sex survey

Do you like it rough/sensual?
- I like a bit of both, perhaps sensually rough...
Do you prefer the opposite sex or same?
- I'm painfully straight, sorry girls. Although we all fantasize now and again, I don't think I could actually do it in real life without feeling odd.
How often do you like to have sex?
- More than you care to know really. I could be a middle of the night, first thing in the morning, pre meal quickie, and bedtime girl if I had the opportunity.
Is sex a top priority for you?
- pretty much, pretty important to me I'd say.
Do you have sex face to face with your partner?
- much of the time we do make eye contact, although some sensual moments are had when we're both in our own little world.
How often do you get drunk and have wild crazy sex with a complete stranger?
- I can count it on one hand in my entire life, everyone who I have slept with has been some kind of an acquaintance for some period of time before. Much of my partnership has come from close friends or my "boyfriend" at the time.
How do you feel about one night stands?
- They aren't my cup of tea, I would rather be with someone for the long term than for an evening now and again. Call it emotional attachment, or the fact that I just can't get off with a one night stand.
How many one night stands have you had?
- I've never gone home with somebody from the bar, however that being said I've been with people once and never again... mainly because it just didn't work out or it really was THAT bad.
What's your favorite position?
- either me on top or me on bottom with the legs up.
Do you prefer to make love or fuck?
- making love is far superior
Have you ever watched porn while having sex?
- sure, but it seems to be over pretty quick.
How long do you foreplay before the deed?
- the longer the better
Do you get off first or do they?
- usually the man, more because of the ease I have in getting them there ;)
Do you like kissing during sex?
- of course, part of the romance
Do you moan? Are you loud or quiet?
- I'm a quiet girl by choice, or perhaps habit.. loud sex doesn't happen with a child around or with roommates.
Does size matter?
- Sure it does, although not always essential if a partner is skilled in other aspects.
How old were you when you lost your virginity?
- I was 17 and in Grade 12, and of course it was a long term boyfriend...
How many sexual partners in the last month?
-I'd have to say I've been with one person faithfully for the last few years, I haven't fallen into the cheating or infidelity trap in a very long time. I have guilt issues that way, and I can't keep secrets like that... I'm pretty transparent. Not to say that people haven't requested or offered to break my promise of fidelity - it's easy to say no when you're able to keep with your values.
What's your favorite foreplay?
- mutual masterbation is always fun!
Do you ever play with yourself during the act?
- see above, and yes.
Have you ever done anal? Do you like it?
- Not intentionally, although there's been the odd "slip" and I wonder if the dood was attempting to try it.... I am not sure about my feelings, although it is a sensitive area to prod at now and again.
When and where was your wildest sex?
- in the back of a Chevy Nova... with vinyl seats on a backroad... with the cops knocking at the window at some point...
What is your ultimate sexual fantasy?
- water sex, or sex in public (that's incognito of course)
Have you ever done porn?
- No
Have you ever had sex for money?
- No
During sex, what are you thinking about?
- My parnter, sensual thoughts, loving thoughts, or just plain mind blowing crazy thoughts
How many positions during one episode?
- As many as happen, sometimes one position feels just as good as ten.
Do you ever worry about how you are pleasing your partner?
- All of the time, sometimes the act of cumming isn't always an indication of how much they liked it... but usually you can tell after if both of you are laid out and breathing very heavily, or I'm curled up ;)
How often do you find sex boring?
- Not very often, sometimes I find myself unsatisfied, or sad that it ended so soon. But I get over it.
How long does a typical episode last?
- From foreplay to sleep, lol, maybe around an hour and sometimes more.
Do you like to perform/receive oral sex?
- Sure
Have you ever had a 3-some?
- Once, with another guy watching, and it was creepy (more because the other guy was married to a girl I knew, and I didn't agree at first to the whole "threesome". I felt extremely uncomfortable and I don't think I would do it again. In that tense anyway.
Have you ever been caught in the act?
- Many times, my parents were pretty strict about having my door closed. For good reason I guess.
Have you ever had sex at school?
- No, but I made out in the parking lot once.
Have you ever had sex on drugs?
- Sure, it can be a nice trip.
What's your biggest turn on?
- Full out nudity, candles, wetness, moaning guy (I may be quiet, but I like a moaning partner), psychedelic sex, a good and large hard on
Do you spit or swallow?
- Swallowing can be weird sometimes, depends on the taste of the partner I guess.
How many times have you gotten off in one night?
- The maximum may be around six times
Do you ever have sex in the shower?
- I've attempted it a few times, it's usually too dangerous. A friend of mine broke his nose really bad once and since then I keep seeing his crooked face when I'm trying.
What's the weirdest place you've ever done it?
- Attempted the washing machine, but the basement it was in was far too cold and the angles/height weren't very good.
Are you still gonna have sex when you're 70?
- Damn straights.
What's your most embarassing moment?
- letting out pussy farts or real farts lol... I know it's a human bodily function but it's still embarassing.
Have you ever slept with someone out of pity?
- Maybe it was more the anticipation that it might be good eventually, but usually things don't work out in the end.
Do you remember who gave you the best sex of your life?
- My current partner far outweighs the competition, and it was unexpected!!! More because of the way we met than anything... but the circumstances no longer matter.

YAAAHHHHRRRRRHHHFFFGGGGGHHH!

Ahh! Christ It's been like a week since I've seen Jane. Add to that the promise of a new level of our sexual adventures when we meet again. Chances are pretty good I'll last about 14 seconds.

I must say there is excitement and trepidation about taking the no-condom approach. Excitement because, face it fellas, it feels better. Trepidation because face it it feels better. I'm seriously afraid I will last 14 seconds. I've been historically bad for holding off. Now I think I've done well with Jane, but hey that's with a rubber sheathe on the ol' dong. Bareback may very well blow my mind.

Only time will tell.

See you Friday night Jane!

Exploring the things that make me tick

Bravo Dick, bravo. So I spent some time pondering what it really is that makes me tick, or crabwalk, or absolutely run away from Dick in bed - only because I'm in absolute intense pleasure.

1. He does this thing with his hands when he's fingering me with lube... it's an instant turn on, instant gush of fluid from me. Think of two fingered deep penetration with tons of lube... wow. But it has to be built up a bit... so starting with a massage and then a bit of kissing and touching.. then that. Puts me over the edge.

2. on my back, legs up, Dick on his knees... again it hits me in one of my spots. If I'm a bit dry it won't go... has to be a little bit of wetness.

3. Me on top always does it. Or something... if I can play and arch my back a bit I'm in freakin heaven.

Now I've been thinking about what would make me go even faster, and it really becomes a combination of other factors. The best lays are definately later in the date... and the first one is always a complete treat. Since we live a distance away, it's absolutely lucious to enjoy him off the bat.

I also think we need to undress slower... bits at a time, tiny kisses everywhere. Sometimes a change in pace too - maybe foreplay in a chair and then moving to the bed? Or some mutual touching for a while to get things moving... and touch after. I like to cum both ways - clitorally and orgasmicly... which is why you may find me playing sometimes after we've had mindblowing sex. My vag may be numb, but just above it is still tingling with absolute crazed do me vibes.

Now I can't really pin point why I spray out gallons of fluids one day and nothing the next... but I have come to know that it's not going to happen every time, and it still should not be the measure of great sex. Sometimes a bit of rough sex never hurt a girl.

Speaking on the lack of condom use... again I'd like to throw my own caution into the wind to our readership that "risky" behavior needs to be especially weighed before you make that decision. It's hard to know everything about your lover's past, and even though you may think you know someone after a few weeks or months you should realize what a risky behavior constitutes:

- IV drug use
- Past risky partners (ie. high sexual risk partners)
- Bleeding disorders
- HIV positive (duh... but people with HIV still have sex)
- Hep C positive
- tattoos, especially those done "at home" (many times done while in jail or with other high risk groups from the past)
- piercings, again done "at home"

HIV and Hep C have both occurred in small amounts of exchanges of blood and body fluids, but with sex using a condom with no rips/tears or breaks in the skin your risk is relatively low. It still does not exclude you from being at risk, but there needs to be a definate exchange in blood or body fluids. HIV does not live well outside of the body. That being said, most sexual encounters of any like are dealing with a lot of blood flow to both the vagina and penis and micro tears can occur. Please use caution when making this decision. Also, doctors are recommending that sexually active people should be HIV tested at least once a year. You can never be sure about your partner, as much as we love eachother Dick and I are going to get ourselves HIV tested at some point in this year just to make sure things are okay.

Sigh, glad the disclaimer is done.

Moving on, I also look forward to the skin on skin contact that shall be received soon. It's just that much better... that and latex gives me itchies for a few days afterwards. I am thinking its just an occupational hazard. But nonetheless... Dick you do outstanding work.

I have to say one of the best parts of all of this is the fact that Dick is into human flesh. Wink wink, nod nod.

A week in revu

Well where to begin. Well I'll try to summarize. The good news is, I have nothing negative to say, everything has been extremely cool this week!

Firstly, you'll all be happy to know, Jane can read (and how!). I'm quickly developing an oral fixation.

Second. Normally when I'm interrupted mid-coitus so my partner can sing along to the song on the radio, I'm quite annoyed. But usually that's because it's whatever new crap-fest called a song that Rascal Flats just put out. But when that song is Passive by APC, well I gotta stop and sing backups. You have an amazing voice Jane, despite what your mom might say.

Third - Lube. It's a good option. Explore it.

Fourth - Phase 3 ... as we're calling it. After going through our STI tests and discussing it, Jane and I have decided that this relationship is here for the long haul. So with the help of the Nuva-Ring contraceptive system we're setting the condoms aside and going with just birth control. Although not always a wise move, we put a LOT of thought and a LOT of care and discussion into this. So now I'm pretty stoked.

And finally, one for the readers out there if you're there. Jane and I have been discussing the fine art of anal lately. Now I'm not sure if it'll ever happen, but I definetly know that talking is not a bad thing. So input y'all ... have you tried it, hints, tips, yes, no, maybe... what's your thoughts.

Till next time!
(Love you Jane)

Scrumptious...

The only word I can use to describe the last sessions... LUBE.

More to follow.

Oral Sex 101 - How to Give Dick Head - From his Perspective

I'd like to say that while writing this, I came to realize that maybe I've got too many ideas, and maybe I'm rushing. But I'm not demanding any of this, I'm just communicating my turn-ons and expect nothing. To quote Jane "If this ended tommorrow, I'd be content knowing I'd had the best sex of my life."

Firstly, this is in no way a criticism, to anyone. Oral sex for some people.. both men and women can be hard physically and mentally. There's unusual smells, fellatio comes with the threat of a gag reflex, and I always end up with a well gelled beard after performing cunnilingus. The positions for oral sex can be a bit hard on the kneck and well let's face it, you pee out of there, who wants to put their mouth in/on that? So I appreciate anything I can get.

The other day after a frankly mind bogglingly good blow-job I commented that it was as close as a woman had brought me to orgasm through oral sex. That was a half truth. My partners have gotten me to 75% then finished off by hand. Crude but effective. Jane got me to 95% and I'm writing this to help her get that other 5% should she desire that.

So without further opening bullshit as I tend to go on with, some pointers. (Tip, I certainly don't expect or think it's possible to incorporate all these points into one session, but include a few different ones each time and I think you'll notice the results.) Also, Jane I know you'll read this, you're already doing a few of these, and I know you're shy for a couple others, this is just a general article for the viewing public

- I am more than a cock. Most men will disagree, but it's true. Now I know personally I'm a bit (make that hella-lot) ticklish, so instead of softer petting I might respond better to firm rubbing or more aggressive mouth play in other parts of my body.

- I like to watch - I don't know if women are shy or what, but my view is usually blocked by a head or a blanket or darkness. Men are visual creatures, that's why we like porn. If you could add a visual element to a mind blowing blow-job... well I couldn't be held accountable for my actions.

- It bends at the bottom more than you think - Seriously. If my normal erection is zero degrees, I'd say it'll bend down to 140-160 degrees without pain, so don't be afraid. I'll let you know gently before you get to a point were you're hurting me.

- I do love the deepthroat - again, I know this is hard, I'm not even sure I could do as well as some. Ideally of course I'd love the old "nutz on ya chin" but what I've been getting the past few weeks has been just mind blowingly good!

- Get up, Stand Up! - Bob Marley was not talking about political upheaval, he wanted some new positions! Just as there are a myriad of intercourse positions, there are a myriad of oral sex positions. 69, and lying down (and "backwards") head are a few of the obvious. How about wall blowjobs (him standing, her kneeling), the classic "deepthroat" (supposedly invented for the movie "Deepthroat", the woman lies on her back on the bed with her head hanging upside down off the bed, he stands and enters.. supposedly the easiest deepthroat method), Facesitting a little harder for men receiving, but again, it bends! chair head (him sitting, her kneeling. Again, there are a myriad, and frankly the internet is a beautiful tool. For the more advanced couple, how about chair 69?

- Oral beyond penetration - By this I mean, you don't have to swallow the o'l fella whole the whole time. Licking is alot of fun and sucking up and down the side is divine. Explore... teasing me is mean, but I think in the long run it's worth it.

- The question of pressure - They call it "sucking off" and "blow job" for a reason. PLay with sucking and blowing. I know a really good long suck is a major mind blower.

- My genitals are more than my penis - this is kinda related to the first one, and frankly I'm a bit reluctant to mention this one, but I'm curious and maybe in time something might come of this comment. The part I know about, having my testicles and scrotum gently sucked or rubbed is divine... please PLEASE don't forget the boys... they do all the work and they got a shitty union. There's also another male erogenous zone down there. I'm talking the ever taboo anal area. Now I've never experienced any contact there and I know I'd be a little nervous at first, but hell they say you can milk a man with prostate massage, so I'll admit I'm curious. I've also read (or saw on Sue Johanssen's Sunday Night Sex Show) that external prostate massage just above the anus is a treat so I'm willing to try... heck after the other day, I might just take that one into my own hands.

- It's called a Hummer - So hum, it sounds goofy, but it does send me to the stratosphere.

- Catch me off guard - I've got this fantasy. It goes something like this. I'm doing something... probably standing, but not necessary. Let's say cooking or hanging a picture. Jane walks in, says not a single word, shoves me against a wall, VERY quickly whips my pants and gotch down and before I even have a chance to know what happens she starts sucking me off. And I mean right fast.. I need to be flaccid when this one starts... I don't know why, but that idea turns me on. She then proceeds to enthusiastically suck me off until I've got no choice to finish right off. Spit or Swallow optional, swallow preferred. I got an erection just writing that. We can talk later.

- Let me finish - Hoo boy. Here's one where I can see your argument. Historically as soon as I get close and my partner can tell, the oral sex ends and we move to the handjob or traditional penetration. Semen is good protein, so if you can take it, please do. Please. ;) My argument is that I've swallowed my body weight in female fluids. But again, like anything else here, it's your comfort level as well as mine.


Well that's it for today. I read back and maybe this makes me sounds like a picky ass. And maybe I am. But I'm just trying to share what makes me tick and what would make my floodgate open. I totally respect my lovers comfort level and I hope in turn that she will respect mine, this blog is sort of my way of saying what I'm often to shy (or too sex-brain-dead) to say in bed.

See you in 22 hours Jane, I miss you and love you! Tune in Saturday for a review of the best blowjob of my life! Next week... my tips to the boys for giving her oral sex!